clone19's New Writeups

February 7, 2010 (personal)

2010-02-07T04:38:22Z

Now in the white flames of burning flags we found a world worth dying for...

I was minutes away from suicide, years away from anything that even vaguely resembled truth.
It took a lot to push me to that edge, the edge of that cliff so bleak and so steep that there could be no coming back.
Inside me something ignited, a flame
but not one that produced light and warmth, rather the flame that ignites a fuse, hissing and sizzling in warning.

On the streets of Venice, the fuse was lit. Years of silent animosity and confusion turned to a self hatred so powerful I found myself literally holding the blade that would seal my fate, my hands shaking as it hovered above my forearm, ready to peel back the layers of skin and let out all that I despised about myself. Imagine that: a child, for I am still a child, with such a bright future, a letter of acceptance to a prestigious medical school in one hand and the praise of all the…

January 7, 2010 (log)

2010-01-07T05:22:18Z

Quite a day, today. It's hard to describe the way I feel.

Have you ever suddenly come to an understanding with a person? A sense of peace washes over you, and it can drive you to do crazy things.

Like propose.

A new chapter in my life begins today. The old me, the weak, pleasure-driven, self-oriented hollow shell of a man is gone. Through this commitment, I feel brand new.

Now to find a ring - princess cut on white gold....

Maybe I should let my sister pick it out for me.

An unfinished kiss leaves a taste that is hard to get rid of (fiction)

2009-11-29T03:47:41Z

Una mirada
Ojos que matan
De rodillas en tentacion

I was shrooming when I met her. Shrooming really hard. With crazy thoughts racing through my mind, it was hard to focus on anything. I was in her head though - analyzing and understanding her every thought, every glance, every carefully chosen word. Pondering her intentions, sifting through the layers of verbal bullshit to understand who she wanted me to see. Her eyes grazed my face, pausing momentarily on my own. I knew what she was going to say before she said it: "Can I play with your eyelashes?"

Warm smile – long blond hair
Pretty green eyes and skin damned fair
For sure lucky to get with a girl like that
Couldn't pass this chance no matter what...

She's drunk on a Monday night, and I'm trying to score.
"I don't give a fuck…

November 2, 2009 (personal)

2009-11-02T05:09:22Z

I want to fight someone today.

Why?

Because I can't fight the people I care about. I can't hurt someone I've called my best friend, as much as I may want to. I can't grab her by the collar and tell her to stop fucking up her life. I can't show her how angry she makes me and how much I hate her, because I love her and I need to be here for her or I will lose her forever. I can't tackle her father and start wailing on his face for being the drunken asshole he is. I can't stop her from taking that one Roxy because she "can't sleep." I can't pick her up, shake her around and yell, "WHY DO YOU THINK YOU CAN'T SLEEP?!" I can't do that because she is the product of her environment and until that changes she will never change. I can only stand here on the sidelines and watch her struggle.

Sometime…