Throughout my
life, I have given this matter an awful lot of
thought. In fact, sometimes if I am unable to sleep at night or am stuck in a very long
queue or some such, I begin to think about such a request.
Now, I am a rather
law abiding citizen, I don't do any illegal
drugs, I don't drive an
automobile, I have no bad
temper, don't seem to feel
jealousy, don't have any strong
political beliefs/causes and don't steal. I don't even use
Napster/
Morpheus/
Kazaa for crying out loud, so the probability that I will be executed is basically
zero. A lot of these come from thinking along the lines of "
If I died without making love to another woman other than my girlfriend, I wouldn't care, but if I were to die without tasting
Foie Gras, I'd really
regret it".
I've looked at various
websites listing some people's last meal requests. The only thing that seems to be declined is
alcohol. In general, it seems a
prisoner does not need to pay for their final meals, but I could do so if required (eg to join
fight club one must have $300 of personal
burial money kept in your left
boot, one should also always keep aside $300 of last meal request money in your right
boot).
A lot of this thinking began when I watched a
Samo Hung movie where he was condemmed to death but had not committed a crime. A lof of the below he recieved (particularly the roast
pork/
ducks/
chickens).
The
assumption I am making is that I am death row due to some beaurocratic
mistake/
framing. If I were on death-row due to a crime I had actually committed or as a
prisoner of war, I'd like to believe that I'd take my punishment as a man and ask for
bread and water, with a smuggled
cigarette for luck and to be shot without a
blindfold. However, if the
politicians of the day were to let justice not be upheld...
sod you all, you can pay for this.
I have particular
restaraunts picked out for some of these items. I may add/subtract to/from this list as neccisary. Yes, I am aware that some of the following are quite
cruel to animals. I am aware that
whales are endangered and am aware that to produce
Foie Gras, you must
torture a
goose it's entire life. Yes, there's Coke, Burger King, KFC here too. Spare me your corporate hatred. There is no
veal on this list...only because I don't like it that much. Some notable exceptions to this list are
fish (I am allergic),
chocolate (I simply don't care for it), some types of
alcohol or
drugs (I may either have tried them and not enjoyed then or are not interested), about a thousand
desserts (there are better things in life than desserts), many
fruits/
vegetables.
The following to be consumed in one sitting, with
vomiting as necessary.
First things first
1 Schooner "Toohey's New" beer
1 small piece fetta cheese
1 date
1 piece Italian bread rubbed with a clove of raw garlic, drenched with extra virgin olive oil and sprinkled with sea salt
1 small bowl spaghetti with extra virgin olive oil, garlic, chilli flakes, parma ham and parmesan cheese.
If alcohol were permitted
1 bottle Skyy vodka (freezing temperatute)
1 bottle Smirnoff vodka (freezing temperatute)
12 cans - Toohey's New beer (chilled)
12 500mL cans - Heinekin beer
1 bottle Baileys Irish Creme liquer.
6 cans Tsing-Tao beer
1 bottle Penfold's Grange Hermatage Shiraz (1966)
1 bottle grappa
1 bottle sticky desert wine
6 pints Newcastle Brown Ale
Beverages
2 litres coca cola
1 litre dr. pepper
4 litres spring water
1 can lychee juice
1 can grass jelly drink
1 can mango nectar
1 available tap for tap water
Supplimentaries
(I have not smoked in years, but)
1 packet 20*(soft wrapper) marlboro cigarettes
1 packet 20*(cardboard box) marlboro cigarettes
1 packet 25*alpine menthol cigarettes
1 full corona cigar
2 packets PK peppermint gum
Starters
6 deep-fried dim sims
6 spring rolls
12 fried chicken wings
1 serving "Karage" Chicken
6 Gyoza (meat)
1 bowl nachos
6 split-stuffed king prawns
4 Har Gow
4 Siu Mai
2 sliced fried bacon
2 fried eggs
Main courses
Truffled Risotto (with appropriate chesses, wines, good stock)
Truffled Mashed Potato
Caviar with toast points
Foie Gras
Vension (seared, pan de-glazed with red-wine)
1 serving BBQ Pork, Wontons, dried egg noodles
12 portions Korean Bulgogi beef, wrapped in lettuce with raw green chilli, raw garlic.
6 KFC wings
2 KFC drumsticks
1 each KFC thigh/breast piece
3 crumbed lamb cutlets
1 Burger King Bacon Deluxe Burger
1 Big Mac Hamburger
1 Chinese style roasted duck
1 Crispy skinned chicken (Chinese style)
1 Rack Chinese BBQ Pork Ribs
1 piece Chinese Roast Pork (Siu Rong ?)
2 pieces BBQ Pork
10 Yum-Cha Style Chicken Feet
2 BBQ Quail
1 Hokkien pork/prawn noodle soup
12 Chilli-Salt king prawns
Accessories/Snacks
3 naan bread
1 portion Kim Chi
1 portion sweet Korean Pickles
1 portion Japenese pickles
1 bowl miso soup
1 large KFC fries
1 orange, one serving cabbage, one slice spam (reference to the Chow Yun Fat movie "Prison on Fire")
1 bowl white rice
1 large pot chicken broth (Chinese Style)
1 bowl Laksa
2 slices "cheese bread"
50gm mild "Sopressa" sausage
50gm hot "Sopressa" sausage
12 wontons
12 "potsticker" dumplings
Things I want, but don't exist in the real world
1 bowl Tampopo Ramen
1 deep-fried pikachu
1 Woolly Mammoth steak
Extras (things I have never tried before but am curious about)
1 small portion whale sushi
1 small portion whale blubber (I'm sorry, I truly love whales and wish there were more of them but if I'm going to die, I'll always be wondering.)
1 very very small portion LUTEFISK
1 shot Absinthe
1 portion spinal bone marrow
1 very very very small portion beef testicle
1 portion chanko (what the sumo wrestlers eat)
1 pair frogs legs
6 escargot
1 can pocari sweat drink
1 small cup pure demi-glace
1 deep-fried marsbar
1 deep fried cadbury creme egg
1 "shot" heroin
1 "line" cocaine
1 mezcal worm
1 "dose" mezcaline
1 ecstacy tablet
1 portion haggis
1 small portion deep-fried haggis
1 portion authentic "chicken fried steak"
6 "Water Cherries" (I saw them on TV once)
1 "those orange squid things they have hanging up in the BBQ meat places in Chinatown"
1 bottle "that really expensive Eurpoean bottled water that gay people drink around these parts"
1 durian fruit
1 "whatever that old dude who choked on tampopo ate in the restaurant scene that stretched like a metre long"
1 Chilli Crab
1 Mee Rebus (I saw this on a Singaporean sitcom called "under one roof" and have no idea what it is)
1 frozen monkey brain
1 serving "Chuck Berry Kool Aid" (I'm from Australia, I have no idea in the world what it is, but I hear so much about it)
1 Small Bowl Tuvan Yak Vodka
After Dinner
1 portion Emmenthal Cheese
1 portion Unpasturized Stilton Cheeze
1 after-dinner mint
Dessert
2 portions - deep fried icecream with caramel sauce
1 litre - sara lee vanilla icecream
The finale
one peking duck pancake with hoi-sin sauce and scallion brush.
one shot Sake
one kiss from my girlfriend wearing full gothic makeup, black lipstick and wearing sunflowers perfume.
one marlboro cigarette (think of the film Apocalypse Now)
There, now go ahead and shoot me.