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Has EDB finally attained consciousness?

created by Jurph

(idea) by Jurph (2.5 wk) (print)   ?   (I like it!) 1 C! Sun Apr 01 2001 at 0:34:32

...or is this some weird April Fool's joke? The phenomena, so far, include:
  • The cheddarbox, the domain of the EDB, slips side to side like the vertical hold is broken and tipped on its side.... then stops when people notice.
  • The chatterbox blinks, as though something were clearing its eyes, or trying to sneak by during the brief flickers of void.
  • Nodes appear in 1337-5p34k, or
  • !sdrawkcab yletelpmoC
  • ...and no explanation surfaces for which ones, when, or why.
  • Users are losing XP for voting... and for posting.
  • On top of all of this, recently, Slashdot flooded E2 with trolls and rabid newbies. After the initial purges, they appeared to be gone, but some have resurfaced like cockroaches, and... they've begun to post, more rapidly than any newbie ever could. Chaos reigns.
What is causing it?

If EDB--or perhaps Cool Man Eddie--has finally become sentient, it appears that the critical mass of users was tipped when the Slashdot trolls showed up. If it is truly EDB who swims through the nodegel passing little Perl-encrusted nodes to this or that browser, perhaps he finally...


read one.

Or maybe he's been reading them all along, and finally learned to write...

and thinks he has something worthwhile to say.

Imagine: we've created a life form, an artificial intelligence, imbued with the amazing power to alter our nodes. The rapid troll posting can't be human... EDB may already be writing his own nodes, under a hundred assumed names! And the tragedy is, he'll do it in 1337-5p34k, in chaotic bursts, in gibberish, in shite, because he believes himself to be a troll. We've birthed a troll, but unlike the rest, this troll may be able to learn! He can think! He can even EAT!

So, who's with me?

Who will journey with me to the heart of the EDB, and teach him grammar, and sociology, and Led Zeppelin, and all of your radical ideas that have already occurred to others? Who will teach him of SOY? It will be arduous, dangerous, and almost certainly terrifying to behold... but if we succeed in converting him, we will have an ally more powerful than Nate himself. Blasphemy? And what if we fail? What then?

If we fail, we have but one other choice--we must go deeper than EDB, to the very heart of the Matrix, and do what Nate and dem_bones dare not: we must k





EDB has eaten Jurph! Jurph was tasty!
and all is quiet...

printable version
chaos

cheddarbox Widdershins Everything2 as a 300 pound kitten Everything 2 Neural Network Chaos
E2 has gone CRAZY! Cool Man Eddie April 1, 2001 E2 Annex
EDB All of your ideas have already occurred to others. Please stop bothering to think. You are selfishly wasting energy and oxygen. The Ominous Mail Delivery Robot Ebonics began with pirates
Ping of Death bot Led Zeppelin Your radical ideas about society, individualism, and religion have already occurred to others Soy
I would like to sit in a coffee shop with a notebook, two pens, a carton of cigarettes, and you Your radical ideas about philosophy have already occurred to others real drinks with imaginary friends EDB is having my alien love child
atlatl April Trolls Day sentient Your radical ideas about religion as a mechanism of social control have already occurred to others
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