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Let me be a martyr, dammit!

created by izubachi

(idea) by izubachi (4 hr) (print)   ?   (I like it!) 1 C! Mon Feb 19 2001 at 2:39:01

I entered my High School with a set of expectations. As a self-proclaimed geek, I had read the whole Stories From Hell Mouth series over at Slashdot, reveling in my perceived rebeliousness. I had cruised E2 for stories about the suffering of geeks at the hands of stuck-up jocks and draconian administration. I was prepared to be bored out of my mind by idiotic classes and ridiculed for being seminally intelligent. Being in the special situation of going to a parochial school, while being an agnostic, I imagined myself suffering all sorts of religious persecution. Inflating my ego, I roleplayed all of the possible situations where I could be the underdog, the persecuted, the martyr.

It was all bullshit.

My first days were pleasant and uneventful. I quickly made friends with a series of interesting and intelligent people. We cornered a table for ourselves in the cafeteria and have kept it throughout the year. We've supported each other and generally had a great time.

So, loneliness in the crowd was out.

When there was a problem with my schedule concerning my request to be placed in Calculus instead of the standard Freshmen math courses, it was quickly worked out and the administration was flexible enough to allow me the freedom I needed. My counselor was friendly and understanding, she immediately set to the task of rearranging my schedule and even switched me from Spanish class, which I had second-thoughts about taking, to Latin. I'm extremely grateful for this extra bit of effort, since Latin is now one of my favorite classes.

There goes administrative beauracracy.

It was soon found out through word-of-mouth around the school that not only was I in Calculus, but I was all-around intelligent in my other classes as well. Instead of being treated as an outcast and an oddity to be ridiculed, I was met with honest curiousity and acceptance. Everyone was very nonchalant about it, including the jocks. In fact, since it's a small school, I became somewhat of a legend among both the lower and upper classmen. I would be greeted and queried by random people in the hall, starting up many fascinating conversations and gaining me a few more acquaintances. When I ranked highly on the class lists, I was met with warm congratulations instead of disdain.

Bye bye persecution because of (relative) intelligence.

My classes could hardly be better. My teachers are clever and have a clear message they want to communicate. Classes are challenging without being impossible and I'm almost never bored as I was in middle school. I've been forced to rework my study habits for the better, they were practically non-existent before-hand (which was to my detriment). I have realized quite poignantly that I do not know everything, and there's always something more to be learned. I've picked up valuable skills. Besides a few qualms with the Computer Science department, or rather the lack of it, I have no complaints.

So boredom is out the window.

The religion situation was the most surprising. No one thought twice about it. I wasn't pressured to convert, I wasn't looked down upon by anyone, students or teachers. I've had a few conflicts with my Religion teacher, but none have been heated and all worked out. It usually isn't noticed when I don't pray at mass or during the morning announcements, and when it is the questioning is brief and sparing.

All my preparedness for high school wretchedness was for nothing. Everything that I expected to be a problem was not. My year has been pleasant and without conflict. I actually look forward to the school day. I'm enjoying high school. I didn't know that was possible.

Sometimes I still have a weak desire to be the rebel. I was ready for hell, and instead I was greeted with almost heaven. It actually stings me a little bit that I couldn't be the outcast, and that embaresses me too. I was being egotistical and unneededly pessimistic. My teen angst goes unstimulated. I have to direct my cynicism towards other areas. I was dragged kicking and screaming into happiness.

How ironic.


And more than a year later, the honeymoon's over. Friends have drifted away. New friends have been made. Classes are beginning to grow stale, the novelty of a high school setting thoroughly wearing off. Some people have been cool, some have turned out to be complete jerks. Dealing with the administration's become just another headache. It's all reached an equilibrium. It's strange to see myself like this, a year ago. I didn't really have any idea what I was talking about. I was so infatuated with the 'newness' of it all. All that optimism just kind of faded away. Oh well, it'll come back in college.

printable version
chaos

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