Next time don't drop acid and down a dozen shots right before the rehearsal dinner

Pete arrived Tuesday evening. The wedding was being held near a beach in Florida, and many guests were staying in beach houses for the week. Everyone was partying hard, raising hell. To put it in perspective, this is a bunch of people who regularly party like it's a Grateful Dead show and a Rave all in one, if you get my meaning. Anyway, everyone stays up until the wee hours Tuesday morning, but at this point it's all pretty normal. Wednesday day and night is the same thing -- heavy hell raising but everyone's got it together. Thursday night, however, some people start to pull ahead. There was a party given by several friends of the families.

Bob has been eating X all day - as well as the previous 2 - and continues to do so for the party. He's apparently so fucked up by now that he's spitting, saying fuck in front of Granny, that kind of thing. As a climax, as the party's breaking up, he's posing for a picture with Mary's family and passes out cold. Like a tree falling down, he crashes to the ground. Everyone waves it off uncomfortably but lets it slide, and they all head to some of the beach houses to continue raising hell.

It's now 3 am and Bob and some of his friends are continuing to get ridiculously fucked up. One of his friends goes for a cliff dive from the 3rd story of the house to a 5 foot deep pool below. Needless to say, he fucks himself all up. They call an ambulance, and when it arrives the cops have tagged along to see what's up. Apparently, this guy was one of the ones fueling the party, so he grabs a big sack of pills and tries to haul ass. Of course, he's full of broken bones so he doesn't get far. The cops tackle him and take him to the hospital. This does nothing to affect Bob, so he keeps eating pills and drinking through to dawn. So now it's Friday morning, the day of the rehearsal dinner. The parents of the guy who fell off the roof call Bob's parents. They're concerned because the hospital called them and said their son came up positive for most every drug that's out there. So now Bob's parents are concerned about what's going on and are looking for Bob. Bob, in the meantime, left with some of his friends to play mini golf. The guy did not sleep Thursday night, and slept for about an hour Wednesday night. Unable to find mini golf, they head to a bar, where Bob takes shots numbering in the teens.

Now let's cut back to the guy who fell from the roof. He gets released from the hospital and comes back to the beach house. Bob's parents, looking for Bob, find this guy and demand to know what's going on. They tell him that the hospital called his folks, etc. etc. Anyway, since he's still tripping hard, he decides to trash the house. The cops get called again, and this time they are familiar with the guy and what's going on. He gets arrested and sent to a special place, one with padded walls. Now let's get back to Bob. As he's crawling out of the bar (2 pm, rehearsal dinner's at 5), he decides to knock back a tab of acid. When they get home, Bob's parents are waiting and want to know what's going on. Bob cannot stand or speak, and is not really sure where he is.

Now let's cut to Mary and her family. Friday has been a day of family fun, sunning on the beach, getting ready for their only daughter's wedding. Bob's parents show up, and ask to talk to the bride. Everyone there thinks it's a sweet "last minute" talk between the bride and the groom's parents, where they ask her to remember to take care of him, wash his underwear, etc. In fact, they are telling her that her husband to be is incoherent and they don't think he can get married. Mary asks to see him, so they take her there. Needless to say, it does not go well and the status of the rehearsal dinner is shaky at best. So Pete says they hear it's on/it's off for an hour or so. Finally, it is decided that it is on. By now, word has leaked to everyone that Bob is beyond gone. Everyone is dying to see him at the dinner. So everyone files in and waits. No sign of Bob or Mary's family. Finally, Bob and his brother walk in. Bob is standing, but apparently just looks outrageous -- hair sticking up, eyes huge, but still in a tux. His brother walks to the bar (Pete says the whole room is watching, heads turning like this is a tennis match) orders 2 double vodkas, and walks back to the table. Bob downs his, grabs his brother's, and downs his as well.

Now people are getting horrified. Pete and some of the groomsmen decide it's time to take control. They walk up to the table and tell Bob that he is flat out blowing it and has got to get it together. He is saying that all he needs is to see Mary ... if he can just see Mary it will be cool. So Pete finally agrees to drive him over to her parents' house (it is now quite obvious they are not coming to the rehearsal). The only catch is that Pete will speak to her parents and Bob will wait in the car -- if they say he can see her, then OK. If not, he will leave. So they drive over there. Pete leaves the keys in the car and goes up to the house. Mary's dad answers the door. He says that Mary is crushed, the minister doesn't want to marry them, and that Bob can't see her until tomorrow when they will meet with the minister to talk about what to do.

Pete says OK. He asks Mary's dad to tell Mary that they all love her and are thinking about her. Her dad says, "why don't you come in and tell her yourself; it would mean a lot for her to hear it from you." So Pete goes in. He that said Mary was a wreck. Sobbing, looking like shit, obviously just crushed that her wedding is turning out this way. Pete tells her he's sorry and is hugging her, getting ready to leave, when the car horn begins blowing as loud as hell. It seems Bob got tired of waiting and drove the car up to the top of the driveway was leaning on the horn, yelling "MMMAAAARRRYYY!!" at the top of his lungs. Pete said it was like being in a beehive when someone shakes it; Mary's family running everywhere, looking for someone to get this jackass out of there. So Pete sprints out of the house, shoves Bob out of the driver's seat, and drives him out of there. He said he blistered Bob the whole way, telling him how badly he was fucking everything up.

So now it's Saturday morning, the day of the wedding. Bob has slept some of his buzz off, I guess, but we're talking about 5 straight days of hard drugs and booze, so he's really not right still. There's a meeting with the minister early that morning with Bob, Mary, and her parents. Apparently, it lasted about four hours, and it all came out in the meeting. When I say it all came out, let's just say Mary used to party pretty hard too, and everything about her, her friends, Bob, Bob's friends, etc. came out in front of Mom and Dad.

Throughout the whole thing, Bob blames everything that happened during the week on Mary and everyone else there. He liked to paint himself as a victim, saying that others had "made him" take 20 some odd hits of X, knock back 15 or so shots the day of his rehearsal dinner, etc. Anyway, at the end of the meeting, the wedding gets called. No go. Thanks for playing. From what Pete says, there were about 100 or so people who had not been involved with the rehearsal dinner who drove to the wedding that day from the Jacksonville area who had no idea. They got to the church and it was locked.

To conclude this insane tale, there is no chance of them ever reconciling. Mary's dad said even if she forgave Bob that he never would, and marriage is out of the question. Bob apparently still feels that the entire episode was not his fault, and that everyone else is as much to blame as he is. The kicker is that Mary's family is old and established in Jacksonville; they know a ton of people there. Gossip about this is the biggest news in Jacksonville since the election.

The bar has been set for all future weddings....