when my father cries

(idea) by hamster bong (3.7 wk) (print) ? (I like it!) 1 C! Thu Jul 06 2000 at 19:27:02

He's a sentimental old fool. I wouldn't have it any other way.

He would be the first to pick me up if I fell, and the first to tell me I was stupid for falling in the first place. I wouldn't care, though, so long as he still loved me. "I care".

He makes me so mad sometimes, he tries to tell me what to do. He worries about me too much. I'll find my way, I'm just a little off course at present. I don't tell him that, though, we don't talk as much as we should, would, he's too judgemental. (So that's where I get it from..) I guess he was raised in a time where it was okay to be like that. Judgemental. I think of it is a fault, I don't think he does.

He's racist. His father is a racist even moreso. I don't like my grandfather, much, we don't see him very often. He is an alcoholic. My father could have easily become an alcoholic. He isn't. He didn't want his kids to grow up with a father like the one he had, or didn't have at all, as the case would be. I admire his strength, but wish I could change his mind about the way he judges people based on stupid things.

He dropped out of high school to work in construction. He always felt stupid for that. He went back to school in his 40's and got his high school diploma for no other reason then to say that he had it, and it made him feel better about himself. He is a very smart man. I wish he didn't need a piece of paper to help him realize it, and I wish he could see that the fact that he had enough motivation to actually go back in the first place is amazing to me.

He tries to keep us so close to him, he doesn't really want us to leave but he wants us to do better than him. He's given up a lot for us, he gives up a lot everyday. I don't want him to, he just does it, I don't think he knows what else to do.

I've made him cry. I don't like that. I've hurt him I'm sure. I disappoint him but he still loves me, he cares. I know he does and always will. He's got a lot of faults, so does everyone, I guess. I've learned from what he's done, what he says, and more so from what he hasn't.

When my brother went away to college it broke his heart, even though he wouldn't admit it except perhaps to my mother in private. He cried a lot he was a complete mess. He loves us too much, maybe..

I hate it when he cries more than I hate anything else on this earth. When his friend died of lung cancer, he cried and I cried only because I knew how much he was hurting, because I didn't know his friend, really. He built him a deck off the back of his cottage a few weeks before he died because that was his dream, he wanted that deck for as long as anyone could remember. My dad did it for free.. that's what I love about him. He's got more compassion than anyone I know, though he likes to act really big and tough and mean. Heh.. I see right through it. I'm glad everyone can't. He makes me feel safe in this world, even if I'm not.

printable version
chaos

the first time I saw my mother cry	cloudbusting	great things he has taught us	vulnerable
going postal	Visual Audio Sensory Theatre	Hayao Miyazaki	Tom T. Hall
Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should

Y'know, if you log in, you can write something here, or contact authors directly on the site. Create a New User if you don't already have an account.

Login
Password

remember me
password reminder
register

Everything2 Help

Look at this mess the Death Borg made!
Delight in Disorder
The Myth of the Liberal Media
Ralph
Pharaoh
Meiosis
Miscarriage
I will love them all when everyone else is long gone
Gaussian formula
Behind the scenes at a supermarket produce department
USA PATRIOT Act
Billie Holiday
Gargouille
Horseshoe

Netrat0
It's Called Subtext, Honey	(person)
eyeofthebeholder
The Dragon	(idea)
Heitah
consist, comprise, constitute, or compose	(idea)
Meezzio
Gotlandssnus	(thing)
argv
Astral Plane	(idea)
Madara
One Winged Angel	(fiction)
Tom Rook
Talk is cheap	(poetry)
shaogo
Adelle Davis	(person)
Aerobe
race car g sfjsgsd	(poetry)
Binah
Dream Log: July 5, 2008	(dream)
StrawberryFrog
Forgotten things in space	(idea)
antigravpussy
velvet revolution fairy tale	(idea)
Heitah
Nerve agent VX	(thing)
Pavlovna
shite	(idea)
wonton
Days and nights come together in a slow falling down	(fiction)

This affordable entertainment brought to you by The Everything Development Company