Its day 2 of the Falls Creek Corporate Ski Race 2000. I am at the top of the slalom course - waiting in line until its my turn to launch myself from the starting shed and hurtle down the course as fast as I can. Stay low, shoulders downhill, carve each turn, early into each gate. I want to put in a good time on this run - yesterday I fell on the 3rd last gate and screwed up the time badly. I have cleaned all the ice from my bindings - nothing to do now but wait until its my turn to race.

They are playing music through a loud-speaker up here, and some soppy song comes on - I think Its by Jewel. I've never really payed attention to it, but suddenly one line hits me like a SledgeHammer in the chest.

Dreams last for so long - Even after you're gone

The simple desolate truth causes the misery to well up inside me again. I cant quite believe how pathetic I am. Its been months - months - and I am on top of a mountain just about to compete in a ski race and still a stupid pop song has made me cry.
Thank God no one could see behind my goggles.