I will not spend my life like this

Nostalgia. Regret. They seem so different, yet it has become obvious that they are two sides of the same coin. Nostalgia is the longing for or pleasant rememberance of the past. Nostalgia is for those who live in the past because it is more comfortable and pleasant than their own.

Regret is also for those who live in the past. However, they live there either because they did something so horrible that they obsess about it forever OR because the pain from the past is safer and more comfortable than possible future pain. After all, regret is at least a known evil.

Either way, one who lives with nostalgia or regret is not really living. They are dwelling on what has already happened, for fear of what might happen.

I refuse to do this any longer.

I may get hurt, but I will not retreat to the safety of the past, the good or the bad. I will not fear my real life so much that I fail to live it.

I won't live like this.

Neither should you.

It's very easy to have just a few little regrets: don't stick your neck out, be safe, hide in the background. The problem is that, when you look back, you may find you have one big regret rather than a thousand small ones.

When I was learning how to ski, it occurred to me that you will fall down a lot if you want to eventually become a reasonable skier. I suspect much the same is true in life. If you don't want to look back and wince at your mistakes, it's your choice. But my feeling is that you've got to take them and learn from them, otherwise it's like having a wound that never heals.