*Oh lonely and forlorn nodeshell by kslawson, your shiney bright eyes shall cry no more, for I will tell you a story*

It seemed to me that this particular Santa didn't like Jesus much.

I didn't know why I'd decided to line up to sit on Santa's lap. It had been at least 25 years since I'd last done so.

The other boys and girls had looked at me strangely ... their assorted mothers, fathers and babysitters had looked at me with no small amounts of nesting-bird fear. I had no interest in their precious progeny, apart from making sure none of them touched me with their disease ridden cherub fingers.

Santa was too popped up on crack and booze to notice that I was significantly larger than the other children. The jellied mass of his lap spread beneath my bony ass quite unpleasantly. I asked him what his name was. He said something with at least one of the syllables of San-ta in it, the rest of his rancid exhalation may as well have been a prayer to Shub-Niggurath for all I knew.

I asked Santa for a My Little Pony...one of the ones with the rainbow tails. "Ma fuggin' wha?" he replied in his jolly fashion. I think another of his nose capillaries popped open as he did so, though it was hard to tell; his nose reminded me of a congealed mass of porridge, shaped to resemble a potato.

"A My Little Pony", I repeated pleasantly. His rolling eyes focussed on me for a second, and I thought I saw a glimmer of comprehension there .... but it was gone quickly. "ya ... pray ta Jesusss?" he said, after a brief hacking cough. I felt daring and dangerous so I said "I have Jesus in my Asshole, does that count?". I guess it did, because he said "good, kid...gedda present..chrisssmus nigh..gedtha fuggoff me now..HO HO..*cough cough*".

I Love Christmas.