This is Raymond Smullyan's extraordinary method for attaining eternal life. Unlike previous-generation antiquated methods, which require you to muck around with elixirs, potions, stewed frogs and pricking your finger with a rusty pin in order to sign a pact with the Devil, this foolproof method requires only that you perform declarative acts (i.e. say something), and is GUARANTEED to work!

Of course, like all methods for eternal life, it has never been tested to completion ("forever is a long time"); however, we are also unaware of any failure modes.

READY? Then head over to how to live forever (step 1), to start the longest chapter in your life!

Please add your testimonials below:

I followed ariels' plan and look at the results! (cue images of flamingweasel laughing, riding his bike, and throwing a frisbee) I'm still alive and well! It's only a few seconds every day, and best of all I can even do it from my own home!

Thanks Ariels!