Pick Me, Honey! is a
Trabulance game, released in December 2004 in North America by
G-Collections. It features multiple, parallel storylines, a number of female characters to pursue, and...
...no, I can't keep lying like this. Pick Me, Honey! is without a doubt the most bland, generic
harem hentai game it has been my misfortune to encounter. You have, first, the
generic stable of primary stock characters - the
Violent Childhood Friend, the Shy Slightly Younger Girl, the Traditional Japanese Girl - to which are added the Clumsy Glasses-Wearing Teacher (who is also Childhood Friend's Older Sister) and the Experienced Older Woman, whose paths are only unlocked after you've completed the 'trinity's' paths through to the endings - though god only knows why you'd bother. As for
plot, the game doesn't even
attempt to form any
semblance of a plot.
"You have to marry one of these three girls to inherit unspecified inheritance!" says your father.
"We
all want to be your wives and/or mistresses!" say the trinity of stock characters.
"
I will train you in the ways of love," says the Experienced Older Woman.
"I'm not going to go easy on you in my classes just because my sister is in love with you," says Clumsy Glasses-Wearing Teacher.
Not only does the game - if you can call it that - insult your intelligence with the plot, it
also insults your ability to guess at the decision trees by putting helpful little cartoon bubble faces so you know
exactly which choice improves your chances at whichever girl - not that this is a difficult task in the first place, given that the options are often as blatant as -
<GO TO VIOLENT CHILDHOOD FRIEND'S ROOM>
<GO TO SHY SLIGHTLY YOUNGER GIRL'S ROOM>
<GO TO TRADITIONAL JAPANESE GIRL'S ROOM>
Further insult comes from the blatant reuse of images across scenes; at least they don't reuse the dialogue, though it'd be difficult to tell if they did, what with the high-pitched "squeaking in ecstasy" typical of the genre being used to full effect. I steeled myself anyway, since I felt obliged.
All in all, I wish I were dead and need
to drink the pain away.