I cannot guarantee success, but these are some things that have worked for me in the past:

• Bring your entire Transformers collection. Play with them. When asked about them, stare back calmly and say, "They're more than meets the eye."
• Talk a lot about your time in the military. Try not to dwell on the violent stuff.
• Bring plenty of Cheez Whiz.
• Respect the family traditions. Be sure to ask the father, "Show me how you spank her."
• Don't start negotiating about the dowry right away. Over dinner is a perfect time.
• If there are pets, chase them.
• Trust me on this one: fish ties
• If you are going to smoke pot, make sure you offer to everyone.
• Don't steal anything. Big.
• If the police arrive to serve a warrant on you, ask to hide in the basement. Getting arrested is embarrassing.
• Be sure to ask permission before you start making out in the living room.