user since
Wed Feb 28 2001 at 02:24:28 (13.4 years ago )
last seen
Thu Jul 24 2014 at 15:14:14 (3.5 days ago )
number of write-ups
588 - View swankivy's writeups (feed)
level / experience
30 (Grand Vizier) / 61729
C!s spent
80
mission drive within everything
mmm...peanut buttery!
specialties
Curing boredom with silly brain dances, wiggling my toes, baking really good pumpkin pie, and putting Internet jerks in their places.
school/company
I'm a sexcretary. And an editor. And a future bestselling author.
motto
Humans assume that God is as judgmental as they are.
categories maintained
Animorphs Series
most recent writeup
November 27, 2013
Send private message to swankivy

The "swank" in "swankivy" does not mean I'm into porn. It's a style of music and it also means cool. Not that I particularly think I am. It's just that others have said so, and I've just had to take their word for it and accept my status. ::sigh::

I enjoy the following hobbies:

  • Writing annoyingly long character-oriented novels. But I'm trying to learn to be concise.
  • Using my soprano voice to its fullest.
  • Playing ridiculous pranks.
  • Playing Dance Dance Revolution until I drop.
  • Working on my personal website, which is threatening at this moment to take over the Internet.
  • Reading books that don't insult my intelligence.
  • Doodling in the margins, occasionally fairly well.
  • Creating content for my two webcomics, Negative One and So You Write.
  • Beating other people at their own games.

I am talented in the following:

  • Imitating the voices of several cartoon characters.
  • Identifying grammatical errors, typos, and things in language that are just WRONG.
  • Playing musical instruments; I play eight instruments with varying degrees of incompetence.
  • Memorizing useless things and finding odd times to recite them.
  • Surprising people with my unbalancing honesty.
  • Typing. Well over 100 wpm.

I am interested in the following:

Random facts about me:

  • I am a tiny person with long blonde hair. And I frequently get teased about secretly being an elf. Contrary to popular belief, I do not live in a tree and bake cookies. (I do bake cookies, though.)
  • I am a vegetarian.
  • I live alone.
  • I consider myself an atheistic Pagan.
  • I have thirteen novels to my name, but only nine are completed.
  • I have two literary agents. One represents my fiction and one represents my nonfiction. I'm double-agented. Haha.
  • The nonfiction agent recently sold my book. It is entitled The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality. It should release in September 2014.
  • I am never bored or depressed.
  • In some circles I am sort of Internet famous. Meaning I am recognized in public on occasion by people who have seen my work. Which is sort of weird.
  • I've got a horribly filthy mouth, which unbalances people who expect me to have a clean vocabulary since I can be mistaken for an innocent thirteen-year-old.
  • Sex does not interest me. That fact interests many.
  • I live in Tampa, Florida.
  • I am a registered member of the Church of the Subgenius.
  • I've never had a driver's license.
  • I was born in 1978. On a Tuesday.
  • I have been in a movie. (No, not as an extra.)
  • There's a lot I'm not sharing.

If you'd like to comment on something I've written on Everything, your compliments and critiques are appreciated, but please be gentle. Suggestions will do, and I will respond to them. ::snort::

Note: I am selfish with my C!s. If you get one from me, consider it serious, not to be taken lightly. If I C! you, I REALLY appreciate your efforts. Except for that one time I C!ed someone accidentally. Oops.