Dream Log: November 18, 2000

   I'm at Claire's apartment, however it is located in Mobile. It is known to me that we had hooked up already, I walk over and embrace her. She leads me to her bedroom.

Alexander wakes me up, I walk back to my room, damning his disturbance of my dream.

   I find myself in my old house from Germany, however it is located in New Orleans. Cleaning my room, I find an ounce of Kind Bud - My mother walks in, I throw it out the window. She is yelling at me, telling me that I can't go to the festival until I repair the pool filter and clean my room. I tell her that I need some parts and run to the store... I ask the lady at the register how late the festival runs tonight, and after some looking around she tells me that it's about to be over, it is already past nine 'o clock. Leaving the store, I run into Jason and his friends, they are about to go to a party at one of the Auburn dorms (also located in New Orleans.) Inside the dorm, a bunch of people are sitting around, toking and eating shrooms. I tell MC that I'll buy one off of her, everyone is surprised. Without having taken it, I leave the room to go to the bathoom. The toilets face each other, I have to wait in line. Some guy is on the one to my left, a girl peeing through a tube is sitting on top of the barrier of the one on my right... I notice the tube spilling all over her shoes and dress. This is disgusting, I think, and wait until both have left. Returning to Jason's, I realize that everyone including Jan is sitting in Jason's car. Grabbing my bookbag, I join them. A bus pulls up, the driver approaches the car and asks if we want to ride with him... people talk to him, at first reluctantly, but then go on the bus. Everyone seems to be carrying a bong. "Fine with me," says I, and bring a funnel. The driver stops me, tells me that there's no alcohol allowed on the bus. Not wanting to lose my stuff, I go back into Jason's car, two other people were left there. It turns out that this is actually their car, and they go ahead and leave (with me in the car.)
I grab some pencils out of the glove compartment, planning on doing a sketch of claire whenever I see her. We stop at one of their friends' apartments, there are no railings on the balconies. Also, the grass was strewn with glass shards. I was barefoot. Their friend wasn't home, we turned around and got back into the car. "Great," I think, "another night in Mobile with nothing happening." One of the guys in the car pulls out a guitar and starts playing... I close my eyes and focus on the music, feel it. The night envelops the whole city, a few lights still shine, but they are few and far in between. When we return to the parking lot, the other guys are there also. I awake.

i am at eisenhower golf course. it's sunny out. i climb to the top of this hill, and then down into the valley that follows. on the next gently sloping mound, i see two gigantic dead beetles, curled up on their backs. they're about 25 feet long. i approach them.

once i come within 10 feet of their humongous forms, i see that they are, in fact, tremendous human beings, both male, and disemboweled. they both are missing their legs. what i thought were the beetles' legs were actually these two giants' intestines, frozen.

i fall to my knees and cry. i'm not sure whether it's out of fear or pity.

• Shopping for meditation furniture in a specialty store. I try out various kinds of stools, pillows and kneeling chairs.

• I visit my friend Matt Gnat who is living in Rohnert Park. I get to his apartment and the door is open so I walk in. His stuff is laying about on the floor so I know he's been here recently. I take a walk down the street and see posters of Eric Clapton and Roger Waters. Pink Floyd's "Time" starts playing in the background. I return to Matt's apartment and find a note on the door addressed to Matt from his mother. She's asking him where he is and there is an implication that his girlfriend just had a baby.

  The scene cuts to the interior of another apartment, with a woman arguing with her hysterical mother-in-law. Then it cuts back to me as I walk around Matt's apartment complex. I see the woman is outside her apartment as a male neighbor approaches her about the noise from her screaming mother-in-law. I see that this is a tense situation so I come up to them and try to intervene. The woman brings me inside and introduces me to her husband and mother-in-law. The mother sits cross-legged and I do the same while we chit chat.

  Cut to me eating lunch out front with the husband and wife. We're sitting at a glass table talking. The mother has gotten upset again and is inside the apartment fuming. Suddenly the wife screams and points upward. I turn and see the mother on the roof of the two-story apartment building. She runs towards the edge and dives out over us, crashing into the glass table in a shattering explosion. She's bleeding all over but still alive.

  Cut to the exterior of a church that is built into the ground floor of a high-rise apartment building. It's the lone structure in a huge open area, surrounded by grain-colored fields. This is now definitely a movie. I turn to my mom sitting next to me on the couch as we watch the film and say, "That can't be Rohnert Park--there are no tall buildings like that there." She disagrees and when they pan the surrounding hills, it's definitely Sonoma County. Two men walk out the front of the building: a lawyer and his assistant, Harvey Keitel. Keitel is saying, jokingly, that since they're in a church, he won't make morose comments. The lawyer agrees with him. A crowd of people slowly filter out of the building, talking quietly and milling around. (I'm confused as to whether this is a trial or a funeral.) I'm there too, walking around under the dusk sky with Matt, who has at last appeared. We overhear a senile old man describing his one and only suicide attempt. He dove into a river and went over a huge waterfall--"Fell two football fields," he says. We're walking on a gravel strip the lines a drainage ditch near a kind of wetlands. The sun has dropped below the hills and the light is fast disappearing. But suddenly the sky is filled with blinding light, far brighter than full daylight. I look up and it disappears back to dusk, leaving half my vision imprinted with a dull red after-image. The crowd has no idea what just happened and we act like it's no big deal. As I joke, I raise my arms above my head and shout at the top of my lungs: LET THERE BE LIGHT!

  And there was light.