A few years ago, I was teaching a college class on computer networking. We were running through the OSI model when we had a guest come through the door, followed by most of the office staff, several other instructors, and a trail of students who were hanging out in the hallway.

It was my birthday, but nobody at the college knew it. I'm not big on celebrating stuff like that unless it was for one of my family members. Someone decided to do something nice in a very public way.

A woman in a very tight latex fetishized French maid outfit barely covering her assets came over and gave me a large cookie bouquet. She said a few words in French, then switched to English with a heavy accent. She said a long stream of things that were double entendres, which had the whole classroom laughing as I turned a slight shade of red. The French maid gave me a big kiss on the cheek, leaving a brighter red lipstick outline of her lips, before she spun on her five-inch…

Carcinoma

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9.

“Pius Vincenti is in his last days, your Majesty,” Lutinus said to the Emperor. “You must appoint a successor.”

The boy looked from Lutinus to me. His eyes were bright and huge looking in the dim hall.

“The sickness has…” the boy began. He faltered and had to start over. “The head priest is sick?…

Several years ago my wife was walking around our five acres and discovered three pear trees covered with fruit. We ended up with a couple of bushels of pears. While I enjoy eating them, I don't like them that much.

My wife made a lot of delicious things from the pears, including a pear sauce she uses in some of her vegan dinners. She also made pear crisp, which helped me to get over my resistance to eating so many of them. It's…