The end of the uni semester approaches and I am beginning to crash and burn. Not able to finish my assignments in time. I missed a week's worth of assignments for one class because I thought the due date was todaya nd it was... last Monday. I'm not going to get all my uni algebra topic studies in on time, but the deadline was extended to wednesday. Spent 14 hours on a piece of code and couldn't get it working, submitted a non-working piece of code three days late, didn't bother with another assignment because I was late. Crash and burn.
I haven't been socializing as much as I would like, my friends are gone and the good friend I have in the city is in grad school so I've seen him maybe once since mid-september. I think he's going to get married soon, so I don't expect to see him much.
Dog died, too. The worst part is that I'm not even sad at all about it, and I know I should be, I don't really understand it. My family had her for like 14 years. I loved that dog. I feel maybe very mild sadness, but I feel worse for no reason like four times a week. I acknowledge that it is sad, but for me it just seems mildly inconvenient. My counselor says he doesn't think I'm a sociopath, though (I brought the idea up with him, out of concern). He just said everyone reacts to sad situations differently, it's just how people work. I still think something might be wrong with me, but it's whatever.
Shitty past week in general.
BUT. I have chocolate.
Chocolate is good. I have been drinking a ton of hot chocolate. It is so good. It's really pulling through for me, keeping me going and not-miserable.
I've made maybe 5 spotify playlists this week. I have been "highkey vibing", as the hipsters say.
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep is a pretty shitty novel. Well, it's okay, but it doesn't deserve the buzz-talk and hype (if there is still 'hype' around it, so much as renown).
Really wanted to make IN this year but I can't think of anything to node. Grrrrrr.
I started on my third draft for Radial Drift. The second draft was incomplete, I got stuck because I wrote it all out of order. This time, I've decided to write it in order, beginning to end, using the previous draft as a sort of template but rewriting everything. It gets more polished with every draft, which is very satisfying to watch. I think my writing is getting better. The friend I have that goes over my work says it's decent. First draft was nothing special, but it "wasn't badly written and was a good story", so not below average. He writes screenplays but he hasn't gotten "made", though he did get quarterfinalist in a competitition. I don't think he got any money back. He wants to win a competition because that guaruntees that he'll get his script looked over by an agent, or so he says.
I liked Zephronias' noding of grimdark. I really like stories in which it ends horribly for everyone. If I wrote a movie, at the very end the protagonist would get shot and just slowly bleed out on the ground as an aerial wide-shot slowly panned upward and away. No music, no curtain calls, we just watch the character slowly bleed out and die in silence. I have had this vision in my head for so long, and it would be SO GOOD. I keep telling myself I need to try writing a screenplay but I don't think the medium is right for me. I've played around with it and it's... different. It's just different. I could probably get into it.
I got an old TV from my parents, one of those old CRT TVs with the scanlines and static. Some of the buttons don't work, but I can get to AV and I can adjust the volume. Almost everything I own I have gotten for free, I'm not big on the whole consumerism mindset. My monitor was free, my computer was free (I upgraded the RAM and GPU though), my bookshelf and dressers were free (people just getting rid of furniture they don't want), my stereo system and amp, my soundbar and subwoofer, my lamps, almost everything I own I got thrift, from my relatives, or used on Ebay. Anyway, I tried to hook the Retron 5 up to my new(ly acquired) TV, and the HDMI to RCA doesn't work, so I need to buy ANOTHER convertor. I don't want to spend the money, but... Super Metroid... I haven't beaten Ridley yet.