April 25, 2004

Having not been around quite as much as I would like recently it came as quite a shock that I was able to settle back to e2 just as easily as before. For a start a lot of things have been happening for me so getting onto a computer may have been a little bit hard. However, as my computer is currently dead I find it hard to reach a computer that lets me spend time, noding away to you. Tonight, however, I have borrowed my Father’s computer and can spend a good length of time with you. Sometimes I don’t feel like I have enough time for myself. I am always rushing around and when I do have chance to think I realise that I perhaps need some more “me” time.

Last week was like one long rollercoaster of emotions and I must say that physically and emotionally I am absolutely exhausted. The weekend was mainly spent in utter worry of what was about to happen to me; something that I knew would be with me for the rest of my life. It scared me and so I had just left it at the back of my mind for weeks, hoping that it would go away. It exploded this week though, like I’d been stabbed in the heart. I haven’t been well: my mouth was dry, I kept going to the toilet and I was exhausted all the time. We put it down to the stress and pressure that was on me surrounding my forthcoming exams but deep down I knew something wasn’t right.

On Monday I made the trip, with my Mother, to the doctors to find out exactly what was wrong. I had a blood test, among other things and then I was told that I have diabetes. My world seemed to come crashing down around me. I wanted to scream and shout but most of all I just wanted to cry, to curl up into a little ball and cry my eyes out. I knew that from that moment on I was no longer a care-free sixteen year old girl. At that point I had never wanted to rebel more in my life, I wish I had done more rebelling whilst I could because now I have to be sensible and being sensible for the rest of my life isn’t going to be much fun really. The next few days were a blur of doctors and hospitals. I was told what it was. What I had to do. What I couldn’t do.

That wasn’t really the worst part of the week though, because at least I knew what was wrong with me. I knew that I would be getting better soon. The worst part of the week was how people treated me differently, as though the diabetes affected the person I was. The support that I received was greatly received but I am just sick of people looking at me as though I am about to die or something. They give you that look of sympathy or put on their concerned voice. They were never bothered before so why should they be now? Sometimes I see people looking at me and I feel like some kind of freak. I am the same. I haven’t changed.

Things will pick up though, I know they will. Many great things will come out of this and over the last week I have thought of a number of things that make me realise that maybe life isn’t so bad. For one, I can’t drink that much anymore so I will never have a hangover again. Two, at the moment I am not allowed to eat sweet things so there is a hope that I will shed a couple of pounds. And three, my fear of needles will soon disappear. If I can face this and come out the other side smiling I can face anything, wouldn’t you say? I am still here and I am definitely still smiling.

I marched on Washington today with a million who feel the same. I stood up for something I believe in. I drove endless hours, spent funds I don’t have, and felt like a part of something big. It's been done before. Many before me have traded sore feet and throats for their voices to be heard. We will keep coming.

If abortion is made illegal women will still have abortions. My mother had a wire hanger abortion before Roe v wade. She had complications with her next two pregnancies and they sterilized her thereafter so she wouldn’t die if she became pregnant again. Women will bleed to death, be maimed, or unable to have children when they are ready. I carried a sign that said “No more wire hangers!” for my mom.

A neglected child suffers more than an embryo. A world of wanted children would make a world of difference. What many don’t understand is that if a woman feels that she is unable to emotionally, financially, or physically, care for, love and nurture a child until the day she dies, her life is in danger. Pro choice is pro life. I care more for how a child is treated than how a fetus is terminated. Women have miscarriages all the time. People die all the time. Life is sacred. We need to respect and trust women.

I am sensitive to and understand the instinctual reactions of the anti-abortionists. I debated each of their signs as I passed. I don’t even like to kill a spider. I find most of these anti-abortionists are pro- death penalty and eat animals daily. They don’t protest at vet offices screaming at people for euthanizing their cancer ridden beloved pets. I understand those few small cells have the potential to become sweet little innocent babies. I like babies. I don’t want one right now. I don’t enjoy the gory pictures of late term fetuses with ripped open heads. No one enjoys abortion. No one uses abortion as preventative birth control. I have an IUD that cost over 600 dollars. Birth control pills cost twenty to thirty dollars a month and insurance doesn’t cover them. Some women don’t have those funds. Should they have a child who costs a lot more than that? Should they be punished because a condom broke, or they were the unlucky one percent? Should they be forced to bear their father, uncle or brother’s inbred progeny? Haven’t you had unprotected sex at least once?

My husband’s mother was 15 when she had him. She was too emotionally immature and loathed him for existing. She has never told him she loves him. She blamed him for being a product of rape. She should have aborted him. She didn’t have that choice. It is true if he were aborted I wouldn’t be married to a wonderful man who cooked and cleaned for me while I went to an abortion rally. I love him dearly. However, I wouldn’t have known him to miss that. There are other men out there who support women’s rights. He thinks his mother’s life would have been much happier if she didn’t have him. He would have had a much happier childhood with a mother who loved him.

I saw a sign that said 4000 babies are aborted every day. Where do they plan on putting all of these unwanted babies? My apartment complex is full. They don’t call them orphanages any more. Some foster homes are loving. So few people want a used child that has been passed from home to home. So many foster and adopted children are emotionally troubled. It hurts to be told your birth mother didn’t want you. It’s unnatural to break up that bond.

I can’t imagine birthing a baby, being so emotionally and physically attached to this little life and handing it over to some stranger. If you can do so, and that is what you decide that is your choice. You don’t have to have an abortion. Keep choice legal.

There were lines of priests and people silently praying or screaming Christian rhetoric through a megaphone. ‘Not my God’ we told them. I know they think there is one god and we are just fools who need guidance. Some prayed for him to forgive us. Some told us we would go to Hell. There is supposed to be a separation of church and state in this country. Take it outside God boy. Religion and politics shouldn't mix. Women were treated as property and slaves in the bible. I don’t subscribe to their beliefs. I shouldn’t be forced to follow the sheep. Not all Americans are Christian. Not all Christians are self righteous fanatics. Keep your rosaries out of my ovaries.

I saw that the pro-choice side seemed more supportive of life. I felt a wonderful sense of solidarity from the 1.15 million people who supported choice. Even within the marchers the interpretation of why abortion should be kept legal differed, but they all respected choice. The other side was black and white. This is what they believe and they are right so we can’t make up our own mind. I support their decision to raise a child even if they can’t afford to because they feel it is God’s will. I will even help pay for their government aid. I am still flabbergasted that they can’t respect the decisions others make. There are things that other’s do that I don’t find acceptable for myself so I don't do it. For example I don’t like tongue rings. I won’t be mutilating my tongue. I am not going to try to outlaw tongue rings because looking at them makes me nauseous. It's a free country.

I am glad the opposition showed up to express their beliefs. That is what makes America and democracy great. People seem pretty evenly split on the abortion issue. I personally don’t think there should be any restrictions on abortion. Young girls shouldn’t need parental consent to obtain one. Many young girls have died because they would rather face a back alley abortion alone than disappoint their parents. Grandparents shouldn’t be forced to raise their children’s children. The morning after pill should be over the counter. Late-term abortion may be gruesome, but there are so many reasons they are still necessary. Girls may not have regular periods and not realize until too late. Yes, that’s probably foolish, but should such fools be parents? Child bearing can kill women for many reasons. Should a woman be forced to sacrifice her own life because she found out a week too late? Another sign said, “Irresponsible men love abortion.” Would these irresponsible men make good parents?

Again I understand the instinct for anti-abortion, it just seems like they aren’t being realistic or logical. Abstinence only sex education doesn’t work. People have sexual urges. Forgetful, embarrassed, stupid, and immature people will always have sex. In a perfect world abortions wouldn't be necessary, but this world is far from perfect. Birth control has side effects, can be costly and people make mistakes. Life shouldn’t be a mistake. Parenthood should be planned or at the very least wanted. Keep Choice Legal.

On a final note I have to say I am wholly disappointed in the media coverage of this historic momentous event. This was the largest demonstration in US history. I asked a local DC Fox news reporter what his estimate for the numbers were. It was early, he noted, but he thinks there may be a few hundred thousand. We TIVO’d many different newscasts. I expected great things from C-Span. There was a pre-march rally that started at 10AM, and the 2 mile long march started at noon. C-span’s coverage started at 1pm. The coverage was only of the post-march rally and only showed the sparsely populated National Mall after the marchers left, and again when the masses thinned out post-march. They also cut to a Pro-Life lunch a few days before with Dick Cheney. They showed the entertainment portion of the pro-choice rally, and none of the actual march. A 24 hour Fox News reporter asked 2 questions to the head of NARAL, and cut her off when she pointed out that Bush didn’t win the popular vote in the last election.
My local Fox News didn’t even mention it. CNN spent about 20 seconds covering the march, and then exaggerated the pro-life numbers with close up images of their mutilated fetus signs. As always Jon Stewart and The Daily Show renewed my faith in humanity. They spent 7 minutes covering the march. He also had a great interview with the one republican on the 9-11 commission who had the balls to be confrontational with their interviewees.

In the end the largest march in history was diminished, the pro-choice numbers were multiplied. I felt sick. Conservative republicans own the media. I was there. I only saw 100 anti abortionists and that’s being generous. I may have missed their masses. It took 3 hours to march the entire 2 miles because the streets were so thick with humanity. No marchers were arrested. A few anti-abortionists were arrested because they wouldn’t go to their specified area after being warned, or carried a fetus in a jar. That in itself speaks volumes about the respect pro-choice people have for human life. I felt a great connection to these men women and children. They laughed with me, cheered with me, shouted with me. I am bursting with pride for having been there. For the first time in a long time I could say I love my country. Thanks for coming.

"If all we do is march today," Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) told the crowd, "that will not change the direction this country is headed under this administration." If George W. Bush is not re-defeated in 2004 he will likely be replacing 2 supreme court justices with his hand picked anti-abortion right wing conservative rich white men. Roe v Wade will be overturned.