girlfriend

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from GirlFriend version 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it is a memory hog which leaves very little system resources available for other applications.

He is now noticing that Wife 1.0 is spawning processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that it is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at boot where it can monitor all other system activity. The end user is constantly reminded of insufficient memory, lack of support files, and demands that the user only interface with other programs chosen by Wife 1.0. He's finding that some applications such as: PokerNight 10.3, Piss-Up 2.5, and PubNight 7.1 are no longer able to run at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). During installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the omission of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release.

Also, Wife 1.0 's performance seems to diminish with each passing day, allowing fewer sessions of data transfer, yet complaining about the lack there of.

Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:

1. A "Don't remind me again" button.
2. Minimize button.
3. A Mute button for all audio capabilities.
4. An install shield that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and other system resources.
5. An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow unrestricted access to all I/O ports of the associated hardware.

I myself decided to avoid the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with GirlFriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install GirlFriend 2.0 at the same time as GirlFriend 1.0. You must uninstall GirlFriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long-standing bug that I should have known about. Also, the versions of GirlFriend have conflicts over shared use of any I/O ports. You'd think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for GirlFriend 1.0 doesnt work very well and leaves undesirable traces of the application in the system, which often conflict with any future installations of GF. Another problem is that versions of GirlFriend continually pop up annoying little messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.

***** BUG WARNING *****

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug: If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. In addition, Wife 1.0 rarely does a full uninstall, instead converting to a highly annoying bug called XWife 1.0, continually demanding a portion of all available resources. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient system support.

***** BUG WORK-AROUNDS *****

To avoid this bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Always scan your hard drive after interfacing with Mistress 1.x for any traces of data transfer, prior to accessing Wife 1.x. Also, beware of similar shareware applications such as have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the Viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the Net.

Just like other noders here, I can only define what the word "girlfriend" means when applied to me, and when I do, Twain's quote comes to mind. I have been referred to as someone's girlfriend only a handful of times in my life, and it's possible that the label may have been desired of me a few more times than was actually applied. The ones who desired this never got it because either I didn't want to be what that label meant to that person or I didn't care either way. I would like to believe that I would want that title given as a present of conjugal hope, and I guess since the feelings have not often been that strong, I have only really sought it out for myself maybe two times in my life (both times ended by my hand, as it turns out).

It means to me that while a girlfriend may be what this guy thinks he wants, he may not have what it takes to maintain his end of the bargain. He may simply want one because it's what we are taught to want, and nowadays, it's just been a hard word to use with a straight face. As I get older, it's hard for me to see how the word is going to apply to me, since couples younger than me are often married with at least one child on the way.

Maybe it's how I've come in contact with this word. The first time it had only begun to be used was long after the relationship had been in full swing, used as an afterthought and with introductions to new people. It had a nice ring of ownership then. Then the second time I was approached with it, I was in my own living room with a guy I had been more or less dating for about two weeks. He didn't use the word per se, but wanted to see how long it would be before he could start using it, if that was where I wanted this dating thing to head. I didn't, and so I never took that label for myself. The third and last time was earlier this year in the summer, and by that time I was outright asking and/or begging to have this label apply to me, to which the guy was more than happy to comply. And then, crash, boom, slam.

There are never any sturdy rules for the use of this word; we just try to apply where we think it should go, like puzzle pieces that look almost like they should go in a certain place and for a moment we are caught trying to force the piece in, determined. I liked it the way it fit the first time, so that's the fit I'm looking for again. While being someone's girlfriend is something they would like for themselves, the guy in question may just not be able to go with it, take it on as a burden more of happiness than resignation. And you can't really hate them for it, so therein lies the irony.

But still, I would like to be someone's girlfriend again someday. We never really learn, do we?