Rhapsody in Screwed :: Part VII
06.03.01 :: 18:13
holy shit. i just came home. i went to the movies last nite with some friends, and we saw shrek. i haven't laughed that hard in...well, quite some time. then we all went back to twig's for apple brandy and a bad kung-fu film: chinese super ninjas. spent time sitting on niall and getting cuddled, which beat the hell out of the kung-fu flick. i'm a sucker for short guys who like to cuddle. we went back to his place afterward and played with the cats for a while, kicked back on the waterbed, and talked about mutual acquaintances, aquatic life, and the joys of being short. then i slept a whole lot, which was prolly a great idea, being as i haven't done that in a while.
so, after having approximately one meal spread out across three days, i ate real food an hour ago. niall and i went out for an eggplant calzone. admittedly, not exactly a whole meal for me, but better than i've been eating. i had forgotten how cool it is to have friends who talk about things that aren't politics, and somehow, in the course of a week, i find three. well, two. one i just forgot i had. :)
i'm going through some wild life changes right now. things are getting different in a semi-pleasant way. well, at least i think they are. i remember who i am, and what i want to do with my life. i remember where i wanted the future to go, and i realise that i'm a bit behind schedule, but less so than i might have expected. funny things happen when you forget what you want.
speaking of friends and things i want, i'm a little sad that jerrett hasn't called or mailed, but i know he's prolly working himself to death, so i really can't bring myself to mind too much. what can i say? i haven't been eating, i haven't been sleeping, and i've been snarling like a wounded dingo at everything that crosses my path. there's a word that i've learned to associate with that feeling, but i don't want to believe it, so i'm not going to say it. i won't believe it, because that would be completely uncalled for, and totally unfair...and i wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it. as long as i don't admit it, i can keep believing it isn't true. i can stay sane, and deal with reality on nearly human terms...but the facade is slipping badly around the edges, and the battleship-sized hole in my chest just keeps getting bigger...but, oh no, not me...i'll never say that magic word.