Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas manufactured military
aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments
to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new
products that will best meet your future needs and desires.
1.
(_) Mr.
(_) Mrs.
(_) Ms.
(_) Lt.
(_) Gen.
(_) Sir
(_) King
(_) Queen
(_) Comrade
(_) Classified
(_) Other
First Name: _______________________
Initial: ___
Last Name: _______________________
Password: ________________________ (max. 8 char)
Code Name: ______________________
Latitude/Longitude/Altitude: __________E/W ___________N/S ___________ FT./M
ASL
2. Which model of aircraft/Unmanned Aerial Vehicle did you purchase?
(_) RQ-3A Dark Star
(_) RQ-4A Global Hawk
(_) F-14 Tomcat
(_) F-15 Eagle
(_) F-16 Falcon
(_) F-117A Stealth
(_) Booster/Orbiter/ICBM
(_) Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ____/____/____
4. Serial/Buno Number: ________________
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
(_) Received as gift
(_) Foreign Aid Package
(_) Catalogue / Showroom
(_) Independent arms broker
(_) Mail order
(_) Discount store
(_) Government surplus
(_) Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased:
(_) Heard loud noise, looked up
(_) Store display
(_) Espionage
(_) Recommended by Friend / Relative / Ally
(_) Political lobbying by manufacturer
(_) Was attacked by one
(_) Classified
7.a. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
(_) Style / appearance
(_) Speed / Maneuverability
(_) Price / Value
(_) Comfort / Convenience
(_) Kickback / Bribe
(_) Recommended by salesperson
(_) McDonnell Douglas reputation
(_) Advanced Weapons Systems
(_) Backroom politics
(_) Negative experience opposing one in combat
7.b. Please indicate the two (2) ways in which you plan to use your
McDonnell Douglas product the most often:
(_) Air-to-Air Superiority Fighter
(_) Attack
(_) Multirole
(_) Daily Commute
(_) Indimidation / Psychological Warfare
(_) Decoration
(_) Reverse engineering of advanced technology
(_) Logistics
(_) Gift for children
(_) Classified
(_) Suicide
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used the
most often:
(_) North America
(_) Iraq
(_) Former Soviet Union
(_) Iraq
(_) Aircraft Carrier
(_) South America
(_) Arctic/Antarctic
(_) Europe
(_) Iraq
(_) Middle East (not Iraq)
(_) Iraq
(_) Africa
(_) Iraq
(_) Greenland
(_) Asia / Far East
(_) Iraq
(_) Detroit
(_) Australia
(_) Miscellanious Third World countries
(_) Iraq
(_) Classified
(_) Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
purchase in the near future:
(_) Color Television
(_) VCR
(_) ICBM
(_) Orbital Death Projector
(_) CD Player
(_) Ordnance (Anti-Ship, Air-to-Ground or Air-to-Air)
(_) Orbiter/Space Shuttle
(_) Home Computer
(_) Nuclear Weapon
(_) Toaster
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all
that apply:)
(_) Communist / Socialist
(_) Terrorist
(_) Unaffiliated Extreme Left-Wing (Labour Party, Green, etc.)
(_) Unaffiliated Extreme Right-Wing (Christian Coalition, Tory, etc.)
(_) Crazed / Maniacal
(_) Neutral
(_) Religious
(_) Democratic
(_) Dictatorship
(_) Republic
(_) Fascist
(_) Corrupt
(_) Primitive / Tribal
(_) Classified
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
(_) Deficit Spending
(_) Cash
(_) Suitcases of cocaine
(_) Oil revenues
(_) Personal check
(_) Credit card
(_) Ransom money
(_) Traveller's check
(_) Trade-in/In-House Financing
12. Your occupation:
(_) Homemaker
(_) Sales / Marketing
(_) Revolutionary
(_) Clerical
(_) Mercenary
(_) Tyrant
(_) Middle Management
(_) Eccentric
(_) Defense Minister / General
(_) Retired
(_) Classified
(_) Student
13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on
a regular basis:
(_) Golf
(_) Boating / Sailing
(_) Sabotage
(_) Running / Jogging
(_) Propaganda / Misinformation
(_) Destabilization
(_) Default on loans
(_) Gardening
(_) Crafts
(_) Black market / smuggling
(_) Insurgency / Counterinsurgency
(_) Collectibles / Collections
(_) Watching sports on TV
(_) Wine/Fine Dining
(_) Interrogation / Torture
(_) Domesticated Animals
(_) Crushing rebellions
(_) Espionage / Reconnaissance
(_) Fashion clothing
(_) Border disputes
(_) Classified
(_) Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas
serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings
and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and
mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be
registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder
Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about McDonnell Douglas Products?
Please feel free to address any additional comments to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION,
Marketing Department Military, Aerospace Division
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not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored.
Note: Although I am not the original author, I felt it amusing enough to modify slightly and then node. So there.