In response to several questions I got: Yes, I did write this.
DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
Sally: a
girl
Boy: a boy, and Sally's
brother
Cat: a
cat, who doth wear a
hat
Fish: a
fish
Things One and Two: two
scurvy knaves
Mother: Sally and the Boy's mother
Act 1, Scene 1
Sally and the Boy.
Sally: Harken, mine
loyal brother
Near our
threshold doth strike,
Borne o'
Neptune's rage,
Waters from the
heavens.
Boy: Ay, and
should thou wish
To quit th' place, here, in
Which you and I do dwell
To
play and
marry make
Thou wouldst do ill to
Thine
clothes, for soon they would
Be filled with th' same
Water that pours o' our
home.
Sally: 'Tis a cold, cold, wet
day.
Boy: A
pox o' the
rain!
For should it
cease and quit
My sister
fair and I
Would leave this home, but lo!
We can do nothing
save sit.
Sally: I do not
like this, brother,
No, not one
little bit.
Something went BUMP.
Harken! At th'
door,
A
sound did give me
cause
To
start.
Boy: Ay, as
did it t' I.
See, yon,
sweet Sally, there,
Who dost step o'er our
mat
That liest upon th' threshold?
Sally: I see him, as dost you,
For ?tis the Cat
i' th' Hat!
Cat: I know, child, that 'tis wet
The
sun, it is not sunny.
But
cast away thine
sadness
Good fun that is quite
funny,
Will soon be upon us!
For
games to play I
knowst
And new
tricks for both of thee?
Boy: Aside to Sally.
Perhaps-- tho', Mother, dost
Thee wish the Cat within?
Sally: I do not know, o brother.
Act 1, Scene 2
Fish: Aside to Boy and Sally. 'Tis shameful that
dear Mother,
Hath left us here today,
For if she were with us,
This Cat she'd
send away!
Tell, boy,
unto th' Cat
That thou dost not want to
play!
To Cat. Away with
ye, fool Cat,
And take your tricks--
begone!
Cat: Lifting fish. Fear not, fair fish, for, in
sooth
Mine tricks are those of
God,
And not of
He, the Other.
Fish: Then tell me this, God's cat,
By what
dark force dost thou
Raise me o'er
thine head!
Cat: Fie,
fie! No force, but mine
Umbrella. 'Twas for the rain.
Fish: I do not wish a fall
T' break mine
crystal bowl
And leave me drowning in
That realm of
Zeus, the sky
I beg thee, sep'rate me not
From
his wat'ry brother.
Boy: Aside to Sally. I think our fish does see
Th' future, by gazing, ay,
To his crystal
bowl.
Cat: I shall
divorce you not
From your watery
host,
Safe, you are with me,
And I can do yet more?
Boy: He balances many a thing
Upon his
limbs and hat,
But fear have I i' my breast
That c'lamity will meet with he--
Sally: Thou
spokest in sooth, dear brother
For the Cat hast
toppled t'
Earth!
Fish: Cries out. What
miracle hast saved me
That landed me in a
pot
Rather than on the floor?
Aside. O, horror,
horror, I see
A-coming from the Cat.
Act 1 ends.
Act 2, Scene 1
Cat: Fish, fear
thou not, for now
A new trick I'll show to thee
A game, 'tis sure to please.
Exit Cat. Boy, Sally, and Fish gasp at Cat, offstage. Enter Cat, with box.
My box, see, 'tis the col'r
O
blood and
leaping flame!
Boy: 'Tis fastened with a
hook--
Cat: Ay! Take a look!
A-twixt the boards have I
All locked and closed away
Two Things to share with you
Wanting
naught but to play!
He picks up the hook, and Thing One and Thing Two spring out.
Now, look upon the Things,
Namèd One and Two,
They wish you
evil not!
Shake hands, make thou
friends!
They shake.
Fish: I beg thee, fair
masters young
Exclude these Things from thine home
Lest displeased thine Mother be!
Act 2, Scene 2
Things one and two fly kites.
Fish: Alas! The
Devil's work is done
By thine Things, who use his pow'r
To
wrack our home--O cat!
This pleaseth me not one bit!
Sally: 'Tis Mother's
dress--possesed!
Cat: Nay, 'tis on a string.
Boy: I do not like the way they play!
What would our Mother fair--
If she saw these
things--
Say t' us!
Sally: I daren't think!
Fish: Think now, fair Sally
For look in
yonder window
Thine mother
has come at last!
Sally and
Boy: Alas!
Boy: Mine
net, the great sword of Justice
Shall come down
twice upon
The
daemon-children Things
Hark! It maketh a
PLOP!
Cat: I' sooth thee did not like
The
jest my Things have made
My
heart is torn--Ay! Worse
Then the
fairest lady could.
Exit with Things in box.
Fish: The cat has gone at last.
But to undo his mess would be
A task more per'lous than
Odysseus' voyage o'er the seas!
All despair.
Enter cat upon a horse of metal and wood.
Cat: Devil-
work you call it, O Fish!
But for my last damn'd trick
I shall
undo my doings
And thine Mother shall see them not!
Boy: 'Tis a
boon!
Fish: Indeed!
Cat cleans up to heavenly choir.
Cat: I bid farewell to thee,
O Fish and Boy and Sally!
Exit Cat.
Enter Mother.
Mother: Had you two some
fun?
Speak--what didst thou do?
Boy: 'Twas
wet indeed outside
There was no fun to be had!
Fish: It was a day so
gray.
All laugh. Exeunt.
Afterthought: Mike Myers is a wanker.