when dad was dying i
felt as if i was dying
my world as it had been
was coming to an end
i didn't see the interbeing
between him and me, but i could feel it
and at the time it manifested
as pain and fear
now it's different
in that time period, my ego was collapsing
lashing out, and reaching out
for anything it could hold on to
any light and hope and warmth
it was my darkest time and also
the beginning of my enlightenment
true life only begins after we die to what isn't real
"keep walking toward god"
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
time and space and information
at the speed of light in all directions
separation and unity are built into this world
they build this world
both at the same time
there is nothing but what is here and now
and there is more here and now
than we can easily see
the universe has a perfect desire
which becomes what is
it is the path of reality
and all my desires are imperfect, limited
echoes of that great desire
the will of god
people are afraid to call the universe "god"
because of the logical implications
with regard to evil and to
the divinity of our limited selves
but truth is bigger than logic
logic itself teaches this
god's love is great enough
to embrace even the greatest evil
with the warm, gentle heartbeat of wholeness
the universe is god is reality is all is one
both a unified one and every individual one
all of the patterns and all of the details
each of us, every thing in the universe
is completely unique in history
by inner state and outer context
there isn't just one electron
there isn't just one human being
and at the same time
everything is of the same simple, divine
substance---the spacetime stuff
we don't fully understand it
maybe we can't
understanding is always worth it
if you can remind yourself
that complete understanding is impossible
strive and never arrive
i'm always forgetting and
always trying to remember
remember
we are waves of divine energy crashing on the beach
i am not more or less
than a pool, a rock, a tree, a cloud
nothing separates us
and this is reincarnation
and everything separates us
and this is hell and heaven
(a warrior raises his weapon
relents and laughs)
why do you think you have to find
the one best place to stand?
life is not an accident
or something rare
but the very desire of the universe to
try all combinations
to repeat
to consume
to observe
to grow together
we say nature hates a vacuum
but most of the universe
is empty space
god doesn't want to be alone but
there is only one infinity
so here we are,
limited children of the unending
we are bridges between the visible and the invisible
between the conscious and the unconscious
between the categorical-sequential
and the associative
bridges without any length
spanning an illusory gap as real as
a rock thrown into a pool
it feels like i'm on the edge of a realization
something waiting for me in the silence
in the darkness
that i've been running from, eclipsed
covering over with noise and colors
a warm breeze in the night
the moon sailing through the black sky
something frightening and freeing and
more real than any thought i've ever had
any perspective i've ever inhabited
any emotion
any experience
i've read about it
thought about it
i've even tasted it
but i haven't lived there
i haven't simply let it in:
that there isn't anything else.
there's nothing but THIS: god, the universe, reality.
and this is more than i could ever imagine,
more than i can ever understand,
more than i could ever want, or be,
or make, or control, or experience.
i am nothing
in the face of it
i am everything
in my participation in it
so
will i finally be able to
this time?