DAMMIT!!!!
What the hell do women want?
I swear this girl is driving me nuts.
I remember her kisses as I fly in the night.
Today, we watched a movie on her computer. Me, her, my brother and my friend who is also her ex-boyfriend and current best guy friend.
We watched the movie. We moved around, ending with her head resting in my lap, sitting between the other two. We shared a kiss, the first with other people around.
At some point, she puts her legs over my brothers. They have a little tickle fight.
This was how today ended.
This is how it began. This year, on Valentines day, my friend asked her out. That is how I met her. Some time over the summer, they break up. I didn’t know. Couldn’t tell.
Some day in September- Field trip for the high school seniors to Knott’s berry farm. She holds hands all day with another friend of mine.
Two weeks later in October- She comes up in the morning, complains of being cold, sits down next to me, grabs my arm and puts it over her.
Then on- holding hands to and from the only class we share. Stealing hugs in between.
People start asking if I’m dating her, I have no idea what to say.
November- Asks my brother to be in her debut. Her, 18th birthday. Comparable to a bar mitzvah except for Filipinos, a really big deal. He accepts and now goes to dance practice every week. He is her partner.
3 weeks later- Due to dance practice, partner choice and one trip to the mall after dance practice, my parents fall under the assumption they are going out. I go with it, it’s pretty funny. And it lets me know how they would react to me dating. At some point, I tell her this. Too me it’s a joke, to her… I don‘t know. She laughs
December 12. Gift giving, she gets me a shirt. More important, she writes a letter to me. That letter, I read it twice immediately.
That night- I ask her out for the first time. Next Friday.. She says maybe. A little while before I learned the kids at dance practice thought they were dating. That day was spent with me following her around in the mall as she held my brother’s hand. I hide behind badly put together indifference
Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday night- Phone calls from nine pm to one, two and three am. Somewhere in this time, Saturday I think, I like her, she likes me. Now we know for sure I guess.
Tuesday- First, this. Then I watch a dance practice for the first time.
That night- I ask for my flaws, she tells them. How I dress is among them. Others are things I can’t change. Like height… Decide to play dress up someday. Sure, why not? A hair cut too? Bring it on.
December 28- She introduces me as her boyfriend.
Today.
I have questions with no answers.
Tell me answers, anyone. Anything other then what I hear in me.
I hold on tight to the kisses.
Breathing them in as promises.
Knowing these feelings will go away the next time I hold her.
And knowing it will all start again.
Thanks for listening.
Seriously.
Hope I feel better in the morning
Usually I feel good.
Just in a bad mood at the moment.
Temporary.
It's always temporary.