Is there a better way to acknowledge a "thank you"? Exploring the awkward dance of post-polite rituals
"
Canadian Standoff: When you are too nice to someone, and the other person is also too nice, so nothing gets done"
—urban dictionary
This is part of a conversation I've been having in my head for a while, and it's come up again as I have begun to use Siri on an iPhone more. Most of my interactions are of the "Hey, Siri, what's the highest temperature today?", "hey Siri, set a timer/alarm for X", or occasionally, "Hey, Siri, call So-and-So". Once the transaction is complete, I will often say "thank-you" out of habit because I was raised to be a courteous mofo. More often than not, I do get a response from her, and out of curiosity, began tracking her responses and my emotional response to that. Out of the gate we have "You're welcome", which I hold as a personal default response from me.
If someone (let's say) holds a door open for me, I will thank them as a matter of common courtesy. As often as not I will get a response in turn, and i have noticed a trend. Older people will respond with "You're welcome", whereas younger generations often use "no problem" or similar. Siri will sometimes say "don't mention it", which to me seems a stupid reply. I already mentioned it, and unless one of us has access to a time machine, there's nothing to be done. "It's nothing" is absurd. It's not "nothing", you extended a human kindness in holding that door (as i'm still recovering from surgery and my ribs protest when I pull or twist my upper body, having a door held saves me pain). it's not nothing, it's a thoughtful act that i wish to acknowledge. Don't belittle the act you carried out.
"Of course" seems to be a natural response—well of course I'm going to perform this kindness because we're all fellow travellers through life, and both well brought up. "My pleasure" seems a little formal to me, I'd expect this in more of a customer service setting. 'No problem" I reluctantly accept; after all it shouldn't be a problem to go a little out of one's way to just do a nice, small act of kindess, but it also seems to belittle the original act to one of a mechnical nature rather then elevate it to a human. "No worries" is new to me, and I suspect an Australian origin for this one and it also seems to be popular with whatever we're calling the younger generations these days. "No worries" doesn't resonate well with me for some reason. It's up there with "no problem" and "it's nothing".
And then, of course, there’s the Canadian standoff:
“Sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry.”
“No, I insist, I’m the one who’s sorry.”
Politeness, when over-thought or overly formalized, starts to feel more like a duel than a gesture of goodwill. It gets awkward — a kind of performative courtesy where neither side wants to be the first to stop being polite.
But that’s not the point of politeness. At its best, it should be instinctive — an inbuilt rhythm of social interaction that feels natural and balanced.
There’s no need to escalate. A simple, genuine exchange — a thank-you, a you’re welcome — should be enough. Brief. Mutual. Done.
In service industries.
in customer service industries, say a retail or hospitality environment, things do change. Here there is a clear obligation for someone to provide service, so the 'de nada' style reponses seem more on target as one is expcted to be doing things in a customer/agent relationship, it' more transactional. Here it's more about tone than pure words. One can be polite but offhand or flippant, neither of which play well for the recipient. here's an implied contract that states the one providing service is obliged to do so, but politeness is still expected from both sides. When a server brings out my food, I will still thank them, even though that's their job. I want to acknowledge their work and show that i value what they're doing. A "thank you" is a verbal tip for which, at some level, they will be grateful, so I do expect a response, whatever that may be.
Keep it brief, keep it heartfelt, don't overthink it, keep it real.
$ xclip -o | wc -w
733