YIKES!
This online community is getting way out of hand. In actuality, everything is getting out of hand.....
I'm going to say a few things that I may very well regret as soon as I click on the idea button, but So be it.
Lemme start at the beginning, at least tell pieces of the first, then slide into where I actually enter it. Even I only know some of it, but being the information hound I am, I think I'm qualified.
What we're dealing with here is not your average intellect. We are not dealing with an average person's capability for love. This a land, a territory that does not keep with the natural laws of human nature. It may give you the creeps and you automatically hate it. It may make you glow and automatically love it. Either way, it is unavoidable.
I don't like judging, but occasionally, we all do it. I get flashes of raw anger frequently, and recently have been able to put that anger into words. I've also been able to put my understanding into words without sounding like I'm making excuses.
This is how I love thee:...and probably how others love and hate thee as well...
Do any of you know what a Level Five is? Could you read shortly after you turned one year's old? Did you ever stand up in elementary school and tell the teacher to fuck off? Did you have to go through a slew of therapists and medication before you were even ten years old? Did you get sent away to a school because of your behavior? Did your big Italian cop father toss you down the basement stairs? Did you learn to lie with your left eye twitching, because the truth was always more difficult to swallow? have you ever had to fight wih hard drugs? Did the cops bring you home under their arms on a frequent basis? Did you ever quit school so you could run all the way to California just to be with your true love at age sixteen, only to be sent back around the time of your eighteenth birthday with a felony on you record? Did people ten years your senior ever treat you like a contemporary when you were fourteen, 'cause god only knows you could keep up with them intellectually? Have you ever felt true abandonement enough times that you feel other people should get a taste of yours? Did you ever have that need to build yourelf up with objects and ideas so you could impress the pants off of anyone, so they'd be too busy to figure out what you're really made of? Did you ever have to deal with the pain of the day-to-day with a brilliant mind, a perfectly timed sense of humor, but an awkward sense of self and no idea what the hell the love is?
And never forget that luck. The kind of luck that brings you to the top of everyone one moment, and lower than the dregs the next. And the is no responsibility to anyone, because what's the fuckin' point. No one feels any responsiblity to you. You see how many of these questions you can say yes to....and then you can bitch. And to think, this is just a taste.
I'm sorry if the path you have taken is a bit difficult. No one had the chance to tell you it wasn't. When you fall for someone made up of these times and experiences...expect pain, but choose to live through it. Don't expect them to make any sense, and expect yourself to suddenly NOT MAKE A DAMN BIT OF SENSE ANYMORE. Expect to want to heal them with everything in you, to bend them, guide them to what you believe is right and possibly comfortable. But they will never be comfortable, and you will have to accept that.
And they may be absolutely golden. In fact, they are, but you will get a chance to really measure your own mettle against these odds.
Tiff says they're "made of smoke". Heather says they're "enchanting, a pain in the ass" and their real redeeming quality is their "kick-ass family". Nee has removed almost all traces of them from her life, her site, refuses to comment, yet sends Christmas presents. Me? More than half of my being on this thing is solely due to them...more than half of my hurting is solely due to them....more than half of my being at all is solely due to them. There are more of us, and still, none of us makes any sense anymore. We lost some of those capabilities at "Hi".
No, the stress would not be knocked down to 75%. Because more would be made to fill that void. They are not content without stress. Perhaps I cause stress for them because I will no longer bend to their wishes. I am not compliant. I will not live my love life out of a book, and I will not settle. And I think they've finally realized that. I am dog-ass tired of chasing them...so I refuse to. Your stress is your own, however. Magic words do it for some people, they used to do it for me. I need action, not to be impressed, but as proof. Lies are just too easy.
It's been colored to look as if bad thing are always happening to them, and in many ways this is true. But they cause many problems for themselves, because naturally they are they're own worst enemy.
I'm not giving advice...at least I'm not trying to preach it. I feel like my words fall on deaf ears, however. I'm not trying to ruin anyone's party, I'm just calling it like I see it. THIS IS NO ORDINARY LOVE. Whether it's you, me, the next girl, the occasional guy. So there are no rules. There is no room for them here. I am sorry if things do not go as you planned...but my favorite saying in the world is "Now that I've planned out my life, I can't wait to see how it doesn't turn out."
Ugh. I'm getting sick of this place. My world as according to them has come crashing down three times on this thing. First time, the move in February, which apparently directly affected the second one. Then the "omigod it was all lies" in November. Now it's the "I'm still not the one" theory of March. I ain't asking for pity, and I'm not trying to be condescending either. All in all, a lot of this WAS worth it. They are special. Sometimes in that kind of 'rides the short bus to school' kind of special, but special nonetheless.
So communication is down. In all actuality, it is always down. If you wanna bask in the warmth of this, you gotta forget how to rely. And never let what they do affect your sense of self.They're more confused than you are.