So I'm at the harbor, right, and as I'm walking along the main drag I see this shop called "Wizards Of The Coast".
And I'm like, hot dang, I bet I can get good stuff in here! So I waltz in, the bell above the door goes dingy dingy ding -- and I'm looking at this whole place, and it's filled with cards. Packs of cards, stacks of cards, displays of cards, nothing but cards.
But hey, I figure, might as well give them a shot. So I take one off the display rack, and it's got a lion in the picture so I figure it will get everyone's attention -- I throw it on the floor and it does nothing.
So I go up to the clerk and I'm like, "Hey, are these magic cards?"
And he's like, "Uhhhhh, yeah? They're all Magic cards."
And I'm like "Great, that's great, it's just, you know, what do they do?"
And he's like "Oh, are you not familiar with Magic? There's different colors of mana, and you have to get them on your side to summon creatures, and blah blah blah" and he's launching into this whole entire explanation that has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm familair with. I'm completely lost. Just, utterly baffling.
Only I finally manage to catch that last of what he's saying, and it sounds like he's talking about some kind of game. So I'm thinking, OH, I get it, this whole part of the store is a front to throw off the mundanes! So I'm like "Hey, you know, that's great, really great shop you've got up front here, looks totally legit. But, you know, can you take me to the back, or the basement, or wherever it is that the real magic happens? You know what I mean?"
And he's like "We do run tournaments in the basement on Saturday evenings."
And I'm like "No, no, I mean the real magic. The good stuff. You know what I'm talking about, come on."
And he's like "Sir, um, we don't sell adult materials here."
Well that really raises my hackles. I took a vow of chastity when I learned magic. We all do. So I'm like "Listen here, you little shit --"
And he's like "You're acting like I need to ask you to leave, sir."
And I'm like "No, you listen to me! I see a shop called Wizards of the coast and I walk in expecting a shop selling stuff related to water magic, or storm magic, or something, and what do I get? Stupid little cards for a stupid little game. You've got no actual magic in here! I ought to sue you for false advertising!"
And he's like "Yeah, maybe you could have bothered to look the name up on your phone before coming in here and being an idiot!"
And I'm like "Call me an idiot will you? Fuck you!" And I throw a fireball at his face.
Anyway I'm out on Wizard Bail now. Can you spare any Wizard Bucks for my court appearance? They don't accept frogs.