Day one - Day two - Day three - Day four
Tue Oct 11 2005 at 09:24 AM
So I still haven't smoked. In fact, I've been not smoking. I spent all yesterday evening not smoking. I spent the walk to work this morning not smoking. Currently, I am sitting at my desk at work not smoking. In fact, as it turns out, not smoking is a full time occupation. Not smoking requires concentration. If you're not carefull you can find yourself walking out the door in an attempt to not not smoke for a bit.
Whilst I was a smoker, there were times when it felt like I was in a tiny oppressed minority group; huddled into dodgy smoking shelters in the pissing rain sucking on a Marlboro Red angry at being treated like an outcast. Now, however, the tables have turned on me: everybody in the entire world smokes. My cow-orkers routinely go out for cigarettes, huge gangs of students congregate outside the building and smoke in unison whilst I pass by strenuously not smoking.
I did pop in to see the college nurse to reveal to her my new-found skills at not smoking before she came in to the office and spilled the beans to everyone. She was almost patronisingly pleased, but seemed, underneath it all quite genuine. Anyway, it's coming up to the time when I would generally have a cigarette break so I'm going to stand outside and not smoke furiously.
Tue Oct 11 2005 at 10:11 AM
So actually, I didn't go out to Not Smoke. Instead, I went upstairs and bought myself a toasted teacake, then I came down, ate my teacake and not smokeed as much as possible. This seems like a good way of not smoking although I suspect that replacing smoking solely with eating toasted teacakes would not be good, either for my wallet or my health.
Most of my time is still being taken up with not smoking although I am now able to occasionally play resist the craving. This pretty much involves staring directly at the wall and not smoking as hard as possible for about five minutes whilst everything that happens around you becomes impressively annoying; sounds become loud and cross over each other, and people talking to you sounds like that teacher from peanuts - but with a megaphone - and babies with revolving heads crawl across the ceiling. Well, not, obviously, but you get the point.
Tue Oct 11 2005 at 11:08AM
You know, I've never known a day at work go so s-l-o-w-l-e-y. I've only been here for just over two hours and it feels like I should be going home. Time has slowed in a ridiculous manner. I really can't think about anything, either. Except, of course, not smoking. I'm tempted to go up for another toasted teacake. Or something. I'm gonna have to get up and do something.
It's odd how my mind is frantically attempting to rationalise my need for a cigarette. Thoughts keep popping into my head like: "I don't want to be a non-smoker," or "I could just cut down a lot. I could still go out for a fag now, but not have another one today." Right. I need to find something else to eat.
Tue Oct 11 2005 at 11:25AM
I have discovered polos. And I have discovered running to the top floor of the building and then back again.
Tue Oct 11 2005 at 12:19PM
You know what I could really do with at the moment? A cigarette. Actually it's quite odd. I have been through all sorts this morning: headaches with buzzing and poppings, feeling dizzy, hungry, thirsty and just generally feeling like shit. I'm constantly not smoking and constantly thinking about not smoking and begin constantly unable to think about anything else except not smoking but none of this is actually making it hard to not smoke. It's just annoying. Very very annoying.
Tue Oct 11 2005 at 1:34PM
A good way to take your mind off needing a cigarette during lunchtime is writing a node. Especially a node what you don't know type node, where you have to get involved do some research and forget about the constant not smoking which is taking over your life. If I carry that on every lunchtime, I'll be chinging by the end of next week :)
Tue Oct 11 2005 at 2:47PM
So, according to this booklet I've got, my body should, by now, have removed all the carbon monoxide from my blood. That seems pretty good. If my, admittedly limited, knowledge of the human body is correct, this means I should be able to carry more oxygen round my body and should already be feeling better in many ways. If it weren't for the headaches and the fact I feel like utter crap, maybe I'd be able to agree.
In fact I am still having to desperately not smoke at all times. I am on my third packet of polos, have drunk nearly two litres of Coca-Cola and Dr Pepper and am on my seventh large cup of coffee. From what I've read I shouldn't expect too much sleep tonight - I had very little last night - and I should expect things to get worse for two more days before they start to get better again. I'm still staying positive.
Tue Oct 11 2005 at 4:27PM
So I'm getting towards the end of my first nicotine-free day at work for a very long time. I have managed to rearrange my desk - which now, in accordance with my alter ego's node on the subject is facing away from the wall. I have eaten and drunk more sugar-filled stuff than ever before (and that's up against some serious competition). I have also consumed so much caffeine that I am shaking as I type; am I going top simply replace one addiction with another? Who cares. I'm on a roll.
Day one - Day two - Day three - Day four