Got a phone call from a
grad school friend I haven't spoken to in a while. She wanted to know what I was doing ("Nothing.") what was new in my life ("also, nothing.") and then mostly really wanted to talk about her children. She wanted to know if I had seen some new documentary about her kids' generation ("No.") She wanted to know why I hadn't come to see her and her kids ("Mostly because I haven't been to your town since my brother and his wife separated, since that's where he used to live but doesn't now.")
I don't think she quite understands the concept of depression. I had told her a while back that I was depressed and not doing well, but somehow I think she thinks that if she just aggressively treats me as she always has that that will help.
Sigh.
I end up feeling like an asshole, because I can hear myself lapsing into the uncommunicative monotone on the phone, and feel her frustration as she tries to relate. But honestly, it's self-preservation. I'm at a point where people talking eagerly about their kids and such does nothing but make me alternately depressed, bitter and angry.
I was doing okay today until that phone call. Now I feel like I'm sitting at the bottom of a fucking well.