I am putting this here instead of a depression 'themed' node. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because I am hoping it disappears with time. I'd rather not get a C! for this as no one should be cheering on my pain but I understand you might want to support me as some of you are amazing like that, but someone out there in the Everything2 universe will likely think I am writing this for attention.. Aren't we all here noding for votes though?
This is not the longest time my depression has stuck around but it is one of the most intense bouts that I've experienced. I've texted 988 once too many times these past months. The meds I am taking are not working as well as they used to and I've gone in to get an upgrade. I'm insured so at least there is that.
I've tried a lot to break free of this slump. I get lots of cuddles from kid and dog. I take long walks and look at the horizon (I found that suggestion funny, but my dog was all for the walks). I am crafting and drawing in my free time and making music and/or noise (depending on your point of view). I set boundaries with myself and others. I am engaging in excessive amounts of physical activity aside from all the walking. I am trying to node whilst not depressing you lovely people (I know.. I am doing poorly). I currently am blocked, and my inner voice is asking why to most of this so now I am just exercising and cuddling (my kid wouldn't not let me cuddle anyway).
In this moment, I'm struggling to reconcile my current reality with any sense of normalcy. How do I maintain my dignity? I just don't know. I got nothing.